12.29.2010

Be thankful for EVERY little thing. And be patient. Impatience delays your blessings and pushes you further away from your goals. The Bible states in Zechariah 4:10, "For who hath despised the day of small things? For they shall rejoice...Despise not small beginnings."

Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Here I am....

I'm sitting here thinking that in less than 10 days I'll be faced with a new year - new beginnings (if you will) - but I'm just really grateful for how much I've grown recently.    Some days I feel as though life would be a little bit sweeter with the absence of certain people - but my ways are not God ways and I'm trusting that He's not leading me astray.  Tomorrow - well technically today I'm stepping outside of my "normal" and trying something new.  Trusting God...

Let Me Touch You.

Empty Me.

One of my favorite gospel song is Empty Me by William Murphy.  He sings that if God finds anything in Him that's not like Him that he would empty him.  More of God.  Less of Me.   I used to sing the song half way understanding -  I thought I knew but now I know.  I thought about the scripture 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a NEW creatures OLD things are passed away behold ALL things are become NEW."  When you're new - the old you is empty.  You don't fulfill those old desires because they're gone.  You're new.  You're bleached.  My friend emphasized that new is like clean - and he used bleached as an analogy - bleach turns the darkest things light - but sometimes the smell is too strong to endure - the "process" is rough - and that's how it is - we need to be bleached so God can turn our darkness into light.  Jesus is Light.  The way, the truth...the light of the world.  Man.  You never really understand until you seek.   It makes sense.  23 years and I thought I had it.  Thank you Jesus.

You are.

Rambling..

We often quote, "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek God to find it"  it's possible that i misquoted that because I was going off the dome but last night I and a friend really analyzed it.

When you are so lost in God with your whole heart the world can't find it and in order to get you a man has to come through God.   I don't think we truly get it.   It requires a total submission to God in order to be lost -- and that's what I'm working towards.   I'm ready for my next to be my last.   We life of the ideal that we're young and we have time for "trial and error" relationships but who wants to continue bouncing back and forth experimenting?  I don't.  My last relationship with Brandon was a major eye opener.   I experienced love on a different level.    I always thought at the end of the day people fought endlessly for what they love and you work towards making it work but some things are meant to fall apart so better things can fall together.  As cliche' as that may sound it's true.   Lately I've really been grasping that people come into your life for various reasons.  To shape you - to mold you - for your next.  Break up sucks - because it leaves you vulnerable.   It's a different type of hurt that we never fathom.   BUT now I can rejoice because I know that some day my man of God is coming and I am patient.  I've truly accepted it.....and it feels good.

I know this post is all over the place but hopefully through it all my point was clear....if there was a point.  =)

April. <3