V for Vendetta.

What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.

Pac.

God
When I was alone, and had nothing, I asked for a friend to help me bear the pain… No One came, except God. When I needed a breath to rise from my sleep, No One could help me, except God. When all I saw was sadness, and I needed answers, No one heard me… except God. So when I’m asked.. who I give my unconditional love to? I look for no other name… except God.

-Pac

true, true.

06.29.10

For two or three years I was away from all social interaction.  It was a very introspective time because I had to confront my fears and master every demonic thought about inferiority, about insecurity or the fear of being black, young, and gifted in this western culture.  It took a considerable amount of courage, faith and risk to gain the confidence to be myself.  I had to deal with folks who weren't happy about that.  I was a young woman with an evolved mind who was not afraid of her beauty or her sexuality.  For some people that's uncomfortable.  They don't understand how female and strong work together.  Or young and wise.  Or black and divine.
---Lauryn Hill.

6.25.2010

[ahem] I have no excuses as to why I haven't been here lately besides the fact that I've been hella catching up on sleep (yes sleep) and working.  That's my schedule.  I take about twenty minutes everyday finishing school work then it's like clockwork 10+ hours with the sandman and 8+ hours at work.  Time spent in between is in the air.  I'm usually on some social networking spitting a little knowledge or some randomness....mostly the latter (smile) but yeah.  That's it.  Nothing major has been happening as of late....well....wait....

....well nevermind.  It's not important.  Hope all is well on your end.  Be cool.  Be blessed.  Live happy.

Much love, 

april nicole.

6.20.10

I am an open book, transparent, detached, full of stories, intimate, kind, uplifting in the words to myself and those keen to share, I am aware that my ego is not me, by knowing I have an ego I know that I am more...much more than just this flesh and bone...and if this is true - for it is...then we are part of a greater purpose than 9-5, mortgages, vitamin tablets and pollution...

Rather Be.

Rather be infamous than famous
Rather be beautiful than fine.
Rather have no friends than too many friends.
Rather be an outcast than a conformist.
Rather be soulful than sexy.
Rather be witty than funny.
Rather be “in like” than falsely “in love.”
Rather be misunderstood than easily understood.
Rather be left undefined than limited.

yup yup,
april nicole.

Who would you be?

I am a King
I am royalty
I am one with the universe
I can build mountains with my mind
And watch them come into existence with my third eye
Since we are all connected through one consciousness, God and I often have late night text about everything and nothing
And each morning I forward them to the universe and watch as love is downloaded into the atmosphere
I understand that hate is only the bastard child of fear and deserves to be loved just as much as anything else
Because sometimes you've got to smile the anger out of an argument
Because anger is nothing more than a lonely child at recess looking for a playmate
...remember it takes two to tango
So I say "I'll dance with you, but how bout salsa instead?"
And just like that we tap and kick and shake our hips into happiness
If no one ever told me who I was, where I came from, and what I could do
I would already know, because we all come into this world with this knowledge
We are born like apple computers ready to go soon as we comes out of the box
But as soon as you install and download ideas onto the mainframe its starts to slow down and pretty soon you will forget where it is that you came from
Please try to remember
If no one ever told me
I would be fine
See I'd know where to find my wings
Not that I'd need them to fly, but I'd use them to remind humanity that we can rise above any obstacle that is placed in front of us
I'd know that the end is never really the end
No one ever really dies so this poem never really ends
It just continues on into eternity
There would be no fear of death or not having enough time because time doesn't exist
Now just is
I'd know that am not a poet I am merely a vessel
And we are nothing more the spirits who chose to speak through each other
So right now you are listening to God, Martin, Jesus, Muhammad, Gandhi, my grandmother, and everyone else whose come before me and those who will come again
Someone asked me this question, and now I ask you...
If no one ever told you who you were, who would you be?
(got this from this guys' blog sometime ago, forgot the blog though.  sowwie)

Soul mate.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  Soul mates, they come into your life to reveal another layer of yourself to you.   A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little, show you your obstacles and addictions, and open your heart so new light can get in.

Still pushing...

These past few days were an experience - one that will possibly take a few weeks to forget.  It's actually all I've been thinking about and as a result it seems to have altered my future business plans.   Can I handle another upset?  Do you really gain strength through the struggle?   Just a few concerns that I've been having.   I think my desire to please everyone with whom I do business with has overwhelmed me.   I've always believed that you have to take the bad with the good but as of late the accumulation of bad has outweighed the good but I believe that better days will soon arise.   I refuse to embrace a deaf-est mindset so the only words I utter seem to be "keep pushing, April."    Although the moral or the lesson that this part of life is unfamiliar right now, in due time it'll make sense.  I hope.

On another tip, letting go is possibly one of the hardest things to do, ever...for me.   Whenever I genuinely like someone it just seems like they disappoint me.   I try not to let these invisible barriers around my heart show too often but the more disappointed I get the harder it is to let someone in.   Laws of attraction suck - when I wasn't all there, he was but now that I seem to have found myself in like - he's rarely available.  Hmph.  Life, right?   Ahhh well.  One day this too shall pass. 

Still pushing,

April.

06.03.2010

Everytime I start to wonder about why things don't work out, why people leave and so on and so forth I remember that "What God has for April is for April" and I reach a chill point.   Talking to one of my associates today made me remember that when we start to wonder why God hasn't given us the blessings we desire is simply because he feels that we aren't ready for us to have them.   And though I hate the loneliness I should use the time to make myself more familiar with His word.   I know I love God but I'm not putting forth much effort in our relationship.   So, I've taken a seat and started getting His word embedded in my lifestyle so prosperity will follow.   I gotta get this right.   I can't keep expecting to move forward physically if I'm stuck in paralysis spiritually.   I'm getting me together.

yup yup,

april nicole.

Have you ever?

Some days I feel as though my relationships (or lack thereof) is solely my fault.   We're taught to be patient, wait on God and it'll happen.   I'm not rushing God but I'd like a sign - at least to show that he's on the way. (lol) .  A few of my friends bounce from relationship to relationship and I've only had one consistent relationship, back in the gap.   I was told that my standards are too high which is why I'm still single but I refuse to believe that.  My standards are pretty leveled and I don't ask for anything extreme.  At the end of the day all I desire is someone that accepts me for me.   I guess that's pretty shy of what I actually look for or desire in a mate but I rather not indulge.  Today was one of those days and I just feel...idk unloved or what not.    To add to the fact that I feel that way is that no one called or text me.  How unfortunate?   Seems like school and work are indeed my boyfriends being that they get the most of my time.  Something has go to give.  Seriously.