12.29.2010

Be thankful for EVERY little thing. And be patient. Impatience delays your blessings and pushes you further away from your goals. The Bible states in Zechariah 4:10, "For who hath despised the day of small things? For they shall rejoice...Despise not small beginnings."

Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Here I am....

I'm sitting here thinking that in less than 10 days I'll be faced with a new year - new beginnings (if you will) - but I'm just really grateful for how much I've grown recently.    Some days I feel as though life would be a little bit sweeter with the absence of certain people - but my ways are not God ways and I'm trusting that He's not leading me astray.  Tomorrow - well technically today I'm stepping outside of my "normal" and trying something new.  Trusting God...

Let Me Touch You.

Empty Me.

One of my favorite gospel song is Empty Me by William Murphy.  He sings that if God finds anything in Him that's not like Him that he would empty him.  More of God.  Less of Me.   I used to sing the song half way understanding -  I thought I knew but now I know.  I thought about the scripture 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a NEW creatures OLD things are passed away behold ALL things are become NEW."  When you're new - the old you is empty.  You don't fulfill those old desires because they're gone.  You're new.  You're bleached.  My friend emphasized that new is like clean - and he used bleached as an analogy - bleach turns the darkest things light - but sometimes the smell is too strong to endure - the "process" is rough - and that's how it is - we need to be bleached so God can turn our darkness into light.  Jesus is Light.  The way, the truth...the light of the world.  Man.  You never really understand until you seek.   It makes sense.  23 years and I thought I had it.  Thank you Jesus.

You are.

Rambling..

We often quote, "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek God to find it"  it's possible that i misquoted that because I was going off the dome but last night I and a friend really analyzed it.

When you are so lost in God with your whole heart the world can't find it and in order to get you a man has to come through God.   I don't think we truly get it.   It requires a total submission to God in order to be lost -- and that's what I'm working towards.   I'm ready for my next to be my last.   We life of the ideal that we're young and we have time for "trial and error" relationships but who wants to continue bouncing back and forth experimenting?  I don't.  My last relationship with Brandon was a major eye opener.   I experienced love on a different level.    I always thought at the end of the day people fought endlessly for what they love and you work towards making it work but some things are meant to fall apart so better things can fall together.  As cliche' as that may sound it's true.   Lately I've really been grasping that people come into your life for various reasons.  To shape you - to mold you - for your next.  Break up sucks - because it leaves you vulnerable.   It's a different type of hurt that we never fathom.   BUT now I can rejoice because I know that some day my man of God is coming and I am patient.  I've truly accepted it.....and it feels good.

I know this post is all over the place but hopefully through it all my point was clear....if there was a point.  =)

April. <3

I Trust You.

God will make a way.

11.29.2010

I think sometimes we get too content with where we are in life and we get frustrated.    Especially with relationships.  We go through life picturing this ideal relationship and when we don't necessarily reach it - we settle.   We just accept whatever that's thrown to us.   It shouldn't be that.   We [females especially] should understand that we deserve so much more and until you get what you deserve - keep waiting.  Patience is truly a virtue.  We have to understand that God is preparing us our MAN and until we are ready we won't get him.  Those bad relationships were preparations for that ONE GOOD LASTING relationship.  Until we understand that we'll forever question ourselves.  What went wrong?  Just accept it.  Granted no one likes the feeling of being alone, being hurt, being deceived -- but those things help us become stronger.   Life is no crystal stair.  Life is no walk in the park....but at the same time it's not always hard.  Just be patient.     Your alone season is sometimes best for you.  It gives you a chance to figure out yourself, to fall in love with you, to spend sometimes with God....don't question your season...embrace and see yourself through.

with love,

april nicole.

11.22.2010

Trust.

• Trust in the perfection of your life and let yourself be fully where you are in the moment.
• Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  Know that what you have to look forward to is greater than what you are leaving behind.
• And trust that you will "arrive" in time and on time, not a minute sooner or later.

peace and prospertiy,

april nicole. <3

That Girl.

This is TRUTH!

The Miseducation of Nicki Minaj

11.21.2010

Open up your eyes, and close your mouth.
Open up your ears, and listen to the sounds..
Stop existing, and start living..
Your dreams can become your reality..only if you put them in your own hands..
 

♥ signed,
a beautiful dreamer

11.20.2010

We forgive so many people BUT we don't take the time to forgive ourselves

11.18.2010

Here are my latest tweets.  Just a few life lessons I've acquired over the past two months and had to put them into effect immediately.   Such is life.   

• The length of time you've known someone doesn't necessarily make the associate-ship valuable.
• Regardless of what people say, they have some preconceived notion about you.
• There is always some truth in jester.
• At the end of the day you are responsible for you. No matter how many times a nia say they have your back...be ready to have YOUR OWN back
• There's no point in trying to get to know someone if they don't allow you too.
• If you're chasing the same person for more than thirty days with no progress, move on.
• If you're having second thoughts about telling someone something, keep it to yourself.
• People will get close enough to you just to betray you. See Jesus, See Judas.
• at the end of the day I categorize everything as another life lesson. We live and we learn.
• What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 peace and prosperity,

april nicole. 
         

11.17.2010

At the end of the day people just want somebody that gets them. They just want to be understood, accepted, and loved.

11.08.2010

I'll never accept letting myself down. I had motivation in me way before they told me what I could not be.

truth.

You won't have to explain yourself to someone that truly "gets" you & if they don't get you why are you trying to get them?

10.12.10

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone that will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

someone i'm following on twitter tweeted something simple but slightly profound the other day:

when you meet the person that's meant for you they won't have to sell you a dream because they'll be offering something you won't refuse.

.....or something like that any way.  ;)

10.10.2010

Last week I was having a conversation with one of my friends via Office Communicator at work.    I told her how I tend to look for the good in everyone and it's possibly my down fall.  I'm not saying that I let people get over on me but I initially take everyone as being good at heart.    I've always believed that you meet a few people that you can honestly call friends and then you meet those who are good associates.  Nothing more, nothing less.    It's common for females to say that they don't really mess with other females because they're this and/or that but in reality that's a cover up.  Insecurity issues and what not.   I used to be that girl but as I've aged I realized that it's just some things that are way easier discussing with the girls than the guys.    I love my male friends equally as I love my girls but neither hold rank.   If that makes sense.    BUT there are females that I "befriend" and I sometimes wish I could erase the date that I gave these broads a open door to my life.   I completely detest fickleness and lately it's been overbearing.    I appreciate realness and I expect to receive realness but you know they say expectations leads to disappointments so I try to balance the two.   I guess this was one big ramble.  Hope all is well.  

Peace and Prosperity,

april nicole. <3

Daily Doses.

1. Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness! Respect their position and keep it moving!

2. Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them! And if you keep telling them, then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets!

3. Quit trying to pull people on your journey who don’t want to travel with you. Either they believe in you and value you…or they don’t!

4. Quit complaining about things you can’t and won’t change!

5. Quit gossiping about other people! Minding our own business should be a full time job!

6. Quit blaming each other for things that in the big picture aren’t going to matter three weeks from now! Talk solutions…and then implement them!

7. Quit eating things you know are not good for you! If you can’t quit…eat smaller portions!

8. Quit buying things when we know we can’t afford them! If you don’t have self control, then quit going to the stores! Quit charging things, especially when you don’t NEED them!

9. Quit staying in unhealthy relationships! It is not okay for people to verbally or physically abuse you! So quit lying to yourself! It is not okay to stay in the marriage for the children! Ask them and they will tell you that they really would prefer to see you happy and that the misery you and your spouse/partner are living with is affecting them!

10. Quit letting family members rope you into the drama! – Start telling them you don’t want to hear it! Quit spreading the drama! Quit calling other relatives and telling them about your cousin or aunt! Go back to #5 minding your own business should be enough to keep you busy!

11. Quit trying to change people! IT DOESN’T WORK! Quit cussing people out when you know that they are just being the miserable and jealous people that they are!

12. Quit the job you hate! Start pursuing your passion.. Find the job that fuels your passion BEFORE you quit!

13. Quit volunteering for things that you aren’t getting any personal fulfillment from anymore! Quit volunteering for things and then failing to follow through with your commitment!

14. Quit listening to the naysayers! Quit watching the depressing news if you are going to live in the doom and gloom of it all!

15. Quit making excuses about why you are where you are or why you can’t do what you want to do!

16. Quit waiting on others to give you the answers…and start finding the answers for yourself! If what you are doing isn’t working for you…then quit it!

17. Quit settling and start making your dreams a reality!- Quit being afraid and START LIVING YOUR LIFE! CREATE THE LIFE YOU WANT! If you want something different than what you have had in the past…you must quit doing what you have done before and DO something different! JUST QUIT IT …… and START DOING something to create the experience you want!

10.05.2010

i'm ready for my last, first kiss.

10.03.2010

I'm ready for that guy that just makes me smile when his name pops up on my phone; the one that gives me forehead kisses and assures me that everything will be okay.    Where art thou? ;)

Amazing God - William Murphy

9.28.2010

Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.

peace & prosperity,

april nicole.

Higher Standards.

 Learn to hold yourself to higher standards.   If he truly cares for you, he'll meet any standard set.

peace and much love to you,

april nicole.<3

9.26.2010

If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would guard them more closely.  If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything negative.

09.21.2010

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.  There's no time limit, stop whenever you want.  You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.   We can make the best or worst of it.  And I hope you see the things that startle you.  I hope you feel things you never felt before.  I hope you meet people with a different point of view.  I hope you live a life you're proud of.   If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

---The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

09.16.2010

You can be told “you’re beautiful” a million times and never believe it. Some of us meet someone who not only tells us over and over and over, but they make us feel it too. It’s like they’ve went on the inside and erased the negative writing on our soul that didn’t have to be there in the first place. If only more of us realized we don’t need the “someone else”. We don’t have to wait. We could erase it ourselves

09.04.2010

you think you're not pretty, someone is wishing to be as pretty as you.  you want more money, people are in poverty.  you want a boyfriend, someone doesn't even have parents.  you're hungry, a child is starving.  you want to go to the mall, someone is looking for anything to wear just to stay warm.  you're chilly, others are frozen.  you just want to die, most people are striving to live.  so don't waste your time on things that you don't think you have, because there is always someone out there who needs what you have.

Once Tongue Tied

This is amazing.

....the heaven in your hello

08.05.2010

n this day of your life, April, we believe God wants you to know ... that there is a time and a season for everything.
	It may be a time of new beginnings, a time of growth, a time of reaping the harvest of hard work, or a time of rest. Trust this beautiful order. Everything in its time.

Breaking loose.

I've kind of reached a point where I'm tired of tip toeing through life trying to live up to others' expectations of me.  That's no fun and I've never been the type to fit into a mold instead I've always kind of been the one to break the mold.  Lately, I've been playing life too safe.  Haven't been living.  Just waking up being thoroughly routine.  You know....class...work...home...sleep and everyday it's the same.  There's def no excitement in that.  So I finally realized that I've reached the end of being a bore.  I'm starting to live.  Come with?

07.26.2010

On this day of your life, April, we believe God wants you to know ... that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.

If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.

Faithful is our GOD.

I wonder why it's so easy for us to trust man but we're rather reluctant to trust God who has always promised to never leave or forsake us.    We meet someone - give them a few days, maybe months to build up trust and we're all willy nilly - this person will never leave me, never let me down, never this or never that but with God - it's like we have this reluctance to give everything when he's been solid from day one.  He's promised us abundance if we just give him ourselves but that's so hard.   Acts 5:29, says that we ought to trust God rather than man.  Man WILL let you down. WILL leave you.  God won't.    If we truly understood how magnificent God is we'll follow him, trust him, and love him with our whole hearts, our whole being....  

Daily Doses.

1. Give people more than they expect from you and do it cheerfully. Your good actions will come back to you tenfold, as will your bad actions.

2. Memorize your favorite poem.

3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

4. When you say, “I love you”, mean it.

5. When you say, “I’m sorry”, look the person in the eye and be sincere.

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7. Believe in love at first sight.

8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. Remember, you can’t talk and listen at the same time.

11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. Call your mom and keep in touch frequently.

16. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

17. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

18. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others;Responsibility for all your actions.

19. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

20. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

23. Take the time to spend some time alone.

24. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

26. Read more books and watch less TV.

27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll get to enjoy it a second time.

28. Trust in God but lock your car.

29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.

30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

31. Read between the lines.

32. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

33. Be gentle with the earth and all the creatures who share it with us.

34. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.

35. Mind your own business.

36. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

37. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth’s greatest satisfaction.

38. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.

39. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

40. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

07.06.10

❝ We should hold ourselves accountable for not demanding a higher standard of excellence. We reward the mediocre. Maybe that’s an issue with ourselves, being drawn to mediocrity because its relatable, for people feeling mediocre. In that case, step up your own excellence and then want it to be reflected in all around you. ❞

-Jean Grae

07.04.2010

“One day you’re going to want that guy.. The guy that believed the scraps of you that he was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That guy that wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way he could. The guy who sees your flaws but values them as much as your strengths. That guy who still can’t bring himself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. That guy who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else has ever appreciated. The guy who realizes he may never have your heart, but will carry the image of you in his forever. The guy that sees this and still loves you. The guy that should have you, but doesn’t, even though he deserves it. But by the time you realize all of this, he is going to be gone, and you will never have her wrapped around your finger like you used to.”

John Lennon.

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life."

07.02.2010

I love a man with a quiet confidence about himself.  Nothing flashy or showy.  He has nothing to prove to the world, but EVERYTHING to prove to God. 

V for Vendetta.

What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.

Pac.

God
When I was alone, and had nothing, I asked for a friend to help me bear the pain… No One came, except God. When I needed a breath to rise from my sleep, No One could help me, except God. When all I saw was sadness, and I needed answers, No one heard me… except God. So when I’m asked.. who I give my unconditional love to? I look for no other name… except God.

-Pac

true, true.

06.29.10

For two or three years I was away from all social interaction.  It was a very introspective time because I had to confront my fears and master every demonic thought about inferiority, about insecurity or the fear of being black, young, and gifted in this western culture.  It took a considerable amount of courage, faith and risk to gain the confidence to be myself.  I had to deal with folks who weren't happy about that.  I was a young woman with an evolved mind who was not afraid of her beauty or her sexuality.  For some people that's uncomfortable.  They don't understand how female and strong work together.  Or young and wise.  Or black and divine.
---Lauryn Hill.

6.25.2010

[ahem] I have no excuses as to why I haven't been here lately besides the fact that I've been hella catching up on sleep (yes sleep) and working.  That's my schedule.  I take about twenty minutes everyday finishing school work then it's like clockwork 10+ hours with the sandman and 8+ hours at work.  Time spent in between is in the air.  I'm usually on some social networking spitting a little knowledge or some randomness....mostly the latter (smile) but yeah.  That's it.  Nothing major has been happening as of late....well....wait....

....well nevermind.  It's not important.  Hope all is well on your end.  Be cool.  Be blessed.  Live happy.

Much love, 

april nicole.

6.20.10

I am an open book, transparent, detached, full of stories, intimate, kind, uplifting in the words to myself and those keen to share, I am aware that my ego is not me, by knowing I have an ego I know that I am more...much more than just this flesh and bone...and if this is true - for it is...then we are part of a greater purpose than 9-5, mortgages, vitamin tablets and pollution...

Rather Be.

Rather be infamous than famous
Rather be beautiful than fine.
Rather have no friends than too many friends.
Rather be an outcast than a conformist.
Rather be soulful than sexy.
Rather be witty than funny.
Rather be “in like” than falsely “in love.”
Rather be misunderstood than easily understood.
Rather be left undefined than limited.

yup yup,
april nicole.

Who would you be?

I am a King
I am royalty
I am one with the universe
I can build mountains with my mind
And watch them come into existence with my third eye
Since we are all connected through one consciousness, God and I often have late night text about everything and nothing
And each morning I forward them to the universe and watch as love is downloaded into the atmosphere
I understand that hate is only the bastard child of fear and deserves to be loved just as much as anything else
Because sometimes you've got to smile the anger out of an argument
Because anger is nothing more than a lonely child at recess looking for a playmate
...remember it takes two to tango
So I say "I'll dance with you, but how bout salsa instead?"
And just like that we tap and kick and shake our hips into happiness
If no one ever told me who I was, where I came from, and what I could do
I would already know, because we all come into this world with this knowledge
We are born like apple computers ready to go soon as we comes out of the box
But as soon as you install and download ideas onto the mainframe its starts to slow down and pretty soon you will forget where it is that you came from
Please try to remember
If no one ever told me
I would be fine
See I'd know where to find my wings
Not that I'd need them to fly, but I'd use them to remind humanity that we can rise above any obstacle that is placed in front of us
I'd know that the end is never really the end
No one ever really dies so this poem never really ends
It just continues on into eternity
There would be no fear of death or not having enough time because time doesn't exist
Now just is
I'd know that am not a poet I am merely a vessel
And we are nothing more the spirits who chose to speak through each other
So right now you are listening to God, Martin, Jesus, Muhammad, Gandhi, my grandmother, and everyone else whose come before me and those who will come again
Someone asked me this question, and now I ask you...
If no one ever told you who you were, who would you be?
(got this from this guys' blog sometime ago, forgot the blog though.  sowwie)

Soul mate.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants.  But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.  A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.  Soul mates, they come into your life to reveal another layer of yourself to you.   A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little, show you your obstacles and addictions, and open your heart so new light can get in.

Still pushing...

These past few days were an experience - one that will possibly take a few weeks to forget.  It's actually all I've been thinking about and as a result it seems to have altered my future business plans.   Can I handle another upset?  Do you really gain strength through the struggle?   Just a few concerns that I've been having.   I think my desire to please everyone with whom I do business with has overwhelmed me.   I've always believed that you have to take the bad with the good but as of late the accumulation of bad has outweighed the good but I believe that better days will soon arise.   I refuse to embrace a deaf-est mindset so the only words I utter seem to be "keep pushing, April."    Although the moral or the lesson that this part of life is unfamiliar right now, in due time it'll make sense.  I hope.

On another tip, letting go is possibly one of the hardest things to do, ever...for me.   Whenever I genuinely like someone it just seems like they disappoint me.   I try not to let these invisible barriers around my heart show too often but the more disappointed I get the harder it is to let someone in.   Laws of attraction suck - when I wasn't all there, he was but now that I seem to have found myself in like - he's rarely available.  Hmph.  Life, right?   Ahhh well.  One day this too shall pass. 

Still pushing,

April.

06.03.2010

Everytime I start to wonder about why things don't work out, why people leave and so on and so forth I remember that "What God has for April is for April" and I reach a chill point.   Talking to one of my associates today made me remember that when we start to wonder why God hasn't given us the blessings we desire is simply because he feels that we aren't ready for us to have them.   And though I hate the loneliness I should use the time to make myself more familiar with His word.   I know I love God but I'm not putting forth much effort in our relationship.   So, I've taken a seat and started getting His word embedded in my lifestyle so prosperity will follow.   I gotta get this right.   I can't keep expecting to move forward physically if I'm stuck in paralysis spiritually.   I'm getting me together.

yup yup,

april nicole.

Have you ever?

Some days I feel as though my relationships (or lack thereof) is solely my fault.   We're taught to be patient, wait on God and it'll happen.   I'm not rushing God but I'd like a sign - at least to show that he's on the way. (lol) .  A few of my friends bounce from relationship to relationship and I've only had one consistent relationship, back in the gap.   I was told that my standards are too high which is why I'm still single but I refuse to believe that.  My standards are pretty leveled and I don't ask for anything extreme.  At the end of the day all I desire is someone that accepts me for me.   I guess that's pretty shy of what I actually look for or desire in a mate but I rather not indulge.  Today was one of those days and I just feel...idk unloved or what not.    To add to the fact that I feel that way is that no one called or text me.  How unfortunate?   Seems like school and work are indeed my boyfriends being that they get the most of my time.  Something has go to give.  Seriously.

Daily Deliverables.

1. Never settle.  If I know you are wonderful then you should too!
2. Be confident.  It goes a long way if you know how to use it.
3. Count your blessings.
4. Be grateful for what you don't think is enough to be grateful for because it is.
5. Remember that it could ALWAYS be worst.
6. Cry sometimes without being ashamed of the vulnerability.
7. Be able to let someone in willingly.
8. Leave your baggage hidden in your closet where it belongs until you are ready to sort through it.  Don't take it everywhere with you.
9. Take some time for you, to be still, to do nothing - to get to know yourself.

use these wisely,

april nicole.

history.

word.

Women always worry about the things that men forget, men always worry about the things women remember.

Dear You

Dear You,

Today, I sat down at the table – you know the one in the corner of the library where few often look twice at because of its position. Yes, that one. The one we’ve yet to meet at. As I sat there, I started to compose a letter, our letter, the letter. It reads:

I have never met you before, but you know just what I want to say before I say it. You don’t finish my sentences, you start them. You hug me before I say, “I need to be held or I just want to be held.” You are willing to put my needs above yours but can tell when I’m being selfish and still choose not to care. I admire you for that. You love me. I mean, really REALLY love me. You let me throw fits, and punch you, and you just clench your jaw and say, “you better chill woman” and I do. I love the fact that you make me do what you say without feeling like I’m cheating myself. I love how I don’t even know you yet but I know everything about you. The softness of your lips, the smell of your body, the magnitude of your arms… I love how we talk for hours about anything and everything. I love how you see past my imperfections and adore my body – especially the parts I hate. I love how when I smile, you smile at my smile then I smile back at yours. I love how when I cry in your arms, I forget why I’m crying because your love feels too good to remember. I love how I love loving you and then you love me all night long. :) And I love how you forgave me for the other guys. You know the ones I let snack on what you now devour as your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You look past my mistakes, past my excuses, and reasons, and backwards logic and you understand exactly why I’ve done the things I’ve done. And you accept that and you love that. And though I’ve never seen you – I don’t know how gorgeous your eyes are, or how perfect your smile is, or how your fingers fit perfectly between mine but I can love every part of you now. Because I know that you’re there, waiting. I’m giving God my heart and you’ll give him yours too. He’s going to take them in his arms, look at them through His perfect eyes and see that these two hearts are perfect matches. He’s going to give me your heart and give mine to you. I cannot wait to meet you – you’ll find me, there in the corner of the library at the table no one dare looked twice at – waiting for you.

Love,
your future wife

touch the sky.

There comes a time when you must stand alone. You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams. You must be willing to make sacrifices. You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved. Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged. There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities. Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better. Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by. Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.

final aspiration: touching the sky. 

Extraordinary Mind.

I do not care what car you drive; where you live. If you know someone who knows someone; If your clothes are this years cutting edge; If your trust fund is unlimited; if you are a-list, b-list, or never heard of you list. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you can truly own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones and skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind. – André Jordan.

truth.

A people without knowledge of their past history, origin or

their culture is like a tree without roots

....well

there's still hope!  =)  happy friday people!

power thought.

Be yourself. No crowd pleasers. You don’t have to let popular culture dictate your decisions on how you behave and who you are. Stand firm on what you believe in and please be strong enough to walk alone when need be.

wear it baby.

you're never fully dressed with a smile.  i wear it faithfully - through the good and definitely through the bad.  even if you have to carry a towel never let em' see you sweat. 

05.19.2010

One of God's greatest commandments is to love others as you love yourself and honestly this is the hardest thing for me.  I'm supposed to love someone who spitefully conspires against me,  someone who talks bad about me,  someone who blatantly disrespects me and so on and so forth....Seems like an easy task, right? (sarcasm).   I'm still working on that area.  I've tried to not hold grudges and practice the whole forgive and forget thing but some things are indeed EASIER SAID than DONE.    Hopefully sooner than later I reach the point where I can just let things go rather than dwell on them relentlessly.   

working on me, 

april nicole.

Spend wisely.

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.

- Carl Sandburg

...really though

Most things are easier said than done.

Soul.

Nourish your soul–however you decide to do that. Connect  with your spirituality. Pour yourself into you passions. Share time and  space with people who lift you up, yet keep it real with you. A well fed  soul is a happy soul.

Father, Can you hear me?

Father can you hear me
We need your love today
I know that you are listening
you hear men everyday
Father please hear us
and we will be ok
father we need you to heal families today

Father can you hear me
I'm calling on your name
Not budda nor muhammed
but it's jesus we cry out loud
Father just forgive us
Hear us when we say
We'll give ya, give ya, give you everything our lifes and souls today

Father you know we need it
I've never seen so much pain
We have the faith for now
Your victory we will gain
father you know we mean it
there's no more heart of stone
were ready for your power
now the sin is gone 

 

Growing Through.

Instead of saying, "going-through" say that you're "growing-through." If you're simply going through something & not using it as an opportunity to grow and learn; then you will spend life going through things. On the other hand, if you pay attention to the experience you're having and learning from it, then you're g...rowing through & you won't have to "go-through" it over and over again.

Anais Nin.

I am an excitable person who only understands life  lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger than reason. I  am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over  me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go.  Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy,  & when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No  more walls.

---Anais Nin

boredom prevails.

I'm sitting here in the midst of my boredom slowly giving in to the fact that I have absolutely nothing fun to do.  My phone hasn't rang in hours,  text messages are far and few.  What have I done to deserve this? Lol.  Okay, I'm being overly dramatic but seriously - Saturday nights spent alone truly suck.  I'm not really a club person so that's not an option.  I have a few productive projects that I could possibly tackle but that's work...hard work and right now I need excitement.  The little "boo" apparently didn't get the hint that I wanted to chill.  So, here I am AGAIN on another Saturday night bored to pieces.  Hmph.  This life I live of mine...

peace & much love to ya,

april nicole.

hella hopeful.

power thoughts.

1. never settle. if i know you are wonderful then you should too!
2. be confident. if goes a long way if you know how to use it.
3. count your blessings
4. be grateful for what you don't think is enough to be grateful for because it is
5. remember that it could always be worse
6. cry sometimes. without being ashamed of the vulnerability
7. be able to let someone in willingly
8. leave your baggage hidden in your closet where it belongs until you are ready to sort through it. don't take it everywhere with you.
9. take some time for you to be still, to do nothing, to get to know yourself.

with love,
april nicole <3

the best things

The best things in life:

• accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
• waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
• first kisses
• singing in the car <3
• sweet dreams
• holding hands with someone you care about
• taking long hot baths
• knowing that someone misses you.

ha ha ha. i'm soo girly at times. =)

peace & prosperity,
april nicole

find.your.passion

If: A Poem for Young Women

If: A Poem For Young Women

If you can trust yourself though others doubt you
And conquer fears that limit what you dare
So you can then enrich the world about you
With skills and talents that are yours to share;

If you enjoy both quiet introspection
And festive times with friends and family,
If you make time for dreaming and reflection
But still find joy in others' company;

If you can balance dreams with practicality
And deal in facts but never lose ideals,
If you can face the harshness of reality
And find the truths that prejudice conceals;

If you can be courageous when defeated
And humble in the face of victory
Or give your best until a task's completed,
However difficult the task may be;

If you can be sincere when giving credit
And work at building bridges and not walls
Or strive to reach a price until you get it,
Yet never fail to help someone who falls...

If you can temper facts with understanding
And manage well the things in your control
And neither be too lax or too demanding
But keep in mind the worth of every soul;

If you can reach objectives, not begrudging
The patience, time, and effort you impart,
And look at others' actions without judging
And see not with your eyes but with your heart;

If you can take resources that surround you
And use them in the way you feel is good,
You'll be successful... and all those around you
Will be the richer for your womanhood.

 
-Barbara Burrow

beautiful women.

when I look in the mirror & the only one there is me every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be & I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me. my feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see. 

late nights/early morning.

I've seen so many late nights and early mornings for the past couple of weeks.   I recently, maybe a few minutes ago finished a final.  Overall I have a B in the course.  Initially, I decided to take the final again being that we have multiple attempts and the highest grade is what's recorded.   Overachieving at it's finest.  Then I thought again.  My eyes are heavy and I'm tired.  So I'm going to take a little nap and get back up in a few hours and study for another exam.  (yawn) No day's off.

Thank You.

Even when we least expect it God is working on our behalf.  This week (being that it's finals) has been kicking my butt left and right and some days I forget to pray and this is the one time I can honestly say "God knows my heart" and mean it.  I'm not using that as an excuse because at any given moment I thank God for just being him.  Today, I realized that in the midst of me trying to steer left God has my best interest at heart.  So, instead of being totally bummed out as to why what I ultimately wanted didn't transpire - I'm grateful.   I said all of that to say, thank you.  

forever grateful.

untitled.

one step.

the journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step.

=)

P.S. There's hope.

05.09.2010

They take my kindness for weakness.
They take my silence for speechless.
They consider my uniqueness strange.
They call my language slang.
They see my confidence as conceit.
They see my mistakes as defeat.
They consider my success accidental.
They minimize my intelligence to "potential".
My questions mean I'm unaware.
Not to ask means I don't care.
Any praise is preferential treatment.
To voice concern is discontentment.
If I stand up for myself, I'm too defensive.
If I don't trust them, I'm apprehensive.
I'm deviant if I separate.
I'm fake if I assimilate.
My advancement is somehow affair.
When I reach the top, it's considered rare.
My character is constantly under attack.
Pride for my race makes me "too black"

Yes indeed.

Instead of trying to edit & erase mistakes out of my life's story.  I'm going to trust God with this pen.  =)

Fun for me.

I prefer art shows & galleries over parties. prefer going to cafe’s chilling  &listening to music and poetry than drinking. I prefer having intellectual conversations over who is he going out with.  This is my ideal of "fun" - although it may appear rather "lame" to some - I just have a certain type of preference.  That is all. 

Common Sense.

 

Some dudes recognize the light but can't handle the glare.

05.08.2010

When words aren't enough to adequately describe how I feel - I turn on my music.  Seems like every other song possibly describes my thoughts.  I'll start sharing those.  Happy Saturday folks.

with love,

april nicole.

Shade Doesn't Matter.

From a dark (light) skin girl to a light (dark) skin brotha
Shade doesn’t matter, heart makes the lover
Boy you so beautiful
Boy you so beautiful
Shade doesn’t matter, heart makes the lover

Honey brown,

caramel,

coffee brown,

chocolate,

toffee,

pecan,

licorice,

Boy you so beautiful

Loneliness.

Loneliness is the greatest battle you’ll ever have to fight.

Kahlil Gibran

“I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind;
yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers.”

Dear Lauryn.

"Lauryn said, "her heart was in Zion" - I just wish her heart was still in rhyming."

Dear Lauryn,

Your music spoke volumes. We miss you. We need you. Come back to us.

Sincerely,

a southern girl.

Food for thought.

Water doesn't have it's own definition until it becomes ice.

Amusement.

I want to go to six flags.  

Seriously, I need fun right now. 

No Bueno.

To say that I'm tired is an understatement.   Working full time and going to school full time is no joke.  I have the utmost respect for everyone that's grinding to get it.  It's no easy task.  I never understood until now the type of will power it takes to do this.  I'm reminded at the end of the day that all of this is not done in vein.  My bank account is okay, my grades are okay but I want better.  I need to see better.  Im striving for better.  At the moment i feel like i'm in overdrive.  I rarely sleep, I'm up all the time working and schooling and working on school. It's stressful.  I need to really pray more and ask God for continual strength to make it through.  I'm maintaining though.  A very good friend reminded me today that, "I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengths me."  Yup.  Although these hours are no bueno I'm good.  I think.

Still pushing,

April Nicole.

Food for thought.

If no one ever told you who you were, who would you be?

Daily Inspiration - 04.28.10

Nothing you have done has been a waste of time.  Everything you have been through is a stepping stone to your next level.  Don't let boredom, depression, fear or procrastination steal your joy or success.  Perseverance is not a long race; it's many short races, one after another.   Patience and tenacity pays off.  It you have a goal or task that can take your life to the next level, don't give up.  If for some reason you have slacked off working towards your goal, forgive yourself and get back on track.  Put on your faith walking shoes.  Speak your word.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Overcome procrastination.  Trust God for your guidance, strength and provision.  Visualize your outcome.  Be optimistic.  Let go of negative habits and negative people.  Pursue your purpose and passion persistently and prayerfully with patience.  The best is yet to come.

--- Jewel Diamond Taylor

The Makings of My Man.

Copied this from my notes on facebook. This is (i guess in summary) what i like in a guy. =) In no order, specifically.  It's a little continuation from my previous post, I suppose.

Sensually scented.

There’s nothing like the smell of a man. Whether it’s a great body wash, manly deodorant or a sexy cologne. I just love that. Issey Miyake, Polo Black, Dolce and Gabbana for men?

Intelligence.

Something about seeing a man engrossed in a novel does it for me. I love a guy who can incorporate slang into his vernacular as I do with my constituents. It shows a great level of cleverness, cognition and linguistic fluidity that is hard to find. An extensive vocabularly will have me awe-inspired in abundance.

Sense of humor.

Can you make me laugh uncontrollably? There’s nothing more fascinating than a guy that can keep up with me in the humor department. I’m a die-hard fan of funny, so if you can make me laugh from a hearty place – we’re good to go.

A creative brother; everything about me melts when a guy has a creative outlet. Whether it’s art, writing, music, or cooking –using that right brain will win my heart hands down. I wholeheartedly love a guy that’s into art.

A guy that can flip it from corporate to casual to street. I like to believe that i have style and if a guy can impress me with his style of dress, trust i'm all ears, eyes and whatever else is needed for attention. ;) this is a necessity. bum dudes gets no love. sorry.

A man who believes that he has the power to do anything he wants and who goes for what he wants; do you talk like that because you can back it up? A guy with integrity; don’t sell your soul for a dollar, player. A man of his word will have me sold forever.

I absolutely love a dude with an accent. Well, not just any accent – an accent that I can understand; I’ve met a few guys that made me want to run in the opposite direction because they sounded so horribly.

A man that sees more than just the physical aspect of a relationship - men who invest in building, not having a “trophy” chick on his arm. Where they do that at?

A story; a dude with an intricate story about his life intrigues me. Not some dude that resides in some sort of make shift reality.

A God-fearing man. That's self-explanatory.

this type love.

i think at 22 i still believe in a fairytale type love. i want the prince charming. i have an ideal picture of how i expect my significant other to be and perhaps that's why i haven't met him? maybe i want too much? i want good morning, mid day, and good night texts. i want him to understand that after going to school full time, working all day and coming home tired, a hug is definitely all i desire. to know that he cares is of extreme importance. i want to be able to talk to him about my goals, my aspirations, my greatest desires and for him to engage wholeheartedly with me. i want him to listen to me when i rant. to just understand. i want him to fight with me (no ike tho) lol. i want him to know how important art is to me and to participate willingly. i don't ask for much but enough room to spread my wings. i want that type of love shihan spoke of when he performed "this type love." i want that, "me thinking of him thinking of me" type love. i NEED him to engross in intellectual conversation with me. most importantly i need him to LOVE God - i mean fear the Lord; to be afraid of nothing but God and God alone and understand that God is number one before all. i could go one forever but i'll stop but i still have some sort of makeshift fairytale fantasy.